phreddy (4:41:50 PM): uh oh
phreddy (4:41:56 PM): the raisin bran yearns to be free

phreddy (3:19:11 AM): they need to throw some AAAs at him just to give him a warning
phreddy (3:19:14 AM): then come the Ds

phreddy (11:12:57 PM): oh my god
phrank (11:13:13 PM): oh your god
phreddy (11:13:19 PM): teh philberts
phrank (11:13:20 PM): your vengeful judaic god
phreddy (11:13:29 PM): lol j00daic
phrank (11:13:35 PM): they have phailed again
phreddy (11:13:46 PM): of course
phreddy (11:13:50 PM): they fail once every 3 games
phrank (11:13:59 PM): um
phreddy (11:14:04 PM): recently
phreddy (11:14:03 PM): lieber needs to be traded
phrank (11:14:04 PM): it's a lot more than that
phrank (11:14:26 PM): their winning percentage is far below the number of the beast
phreddy (11:14:28 PM): someone finally beat rachel rich
phreddy (11:14:56 PM): lieber fails it
phreddy (11:15:01 PM): and thome failed pinch hitting
phreddy (11:15:11 PM): i witnessed the phailure first hand
phreddy (11:15:21 PM): i watched delgado's 3 run ding dong
phreddy (11:15:27 PM): to right
phreddy (11:15:34 PM): then cabrera's ding dong to left
phrank (11:15:37 PM): you were not in the city where the heat is on all night on the beach to the break of dawn
phreddy (11:15:48 PM): then with two on thome phailed looking
phreddy (11:16:30 PM): perez drops below .300
phrank (11:16:32 PM): lieber got lit up and smoked
phreddy (11:16:39 PM): indeed
phrank (11:16:50 PM): since when is it called Dolphins Stadium
phreddy (11:16:57 PM): terry adams needs to go, hey hey, ho ho
phreddy (11:17:07 PM): aaron fultz is tearing it up
phrank (11:17:13 PM): or as the Expos fans call it, la stade dauphine
phrank (11:17:34 PM): aaron phailtz
phreddy (11:17:46 PM): byrd is settling in to washington phailure
phreddy (11:17:59 PM): he is down to .344
phreddy (11:18:06 PM): wow milton got a win
phreddy (11:18:17 PM): nah
phreddy (11:18:21 PM): byrd is hitting .324
phreddy (11:18:30 PM): takes the collar tonight- 0 for 3
phreddy (11:18:42 PM): milton is below 7 now!
phreddy (11:18:47 PM): 6.32!
phrank (11:18:54 PM): ain't no stoppin him now
phreddy (11:18:58 PM): only gave up two homers tonight!
phrank (11:19:03 PM): he on the move
phreddy (11:19:31 PM): why would he go to another home run park
phreddy (11:19:46 PM): he got gaped last year
phrank (11:19:55 PM): gaped?
phreddy (11:19:57 PM): yes
phreddy (11:20:06 PM): as in the gape and the clutch
phrank (11:20:13 PM): http://goat.cx/
phreddy (11:20:25 PM): yes
phreddy (11:20:50 PM): why did millwood pitch only 3 innings against toronto may 14?
phrank (11:20:51 PM): the new image is truly shocking
phreddy (11:21:05 PM): HAHA
phrank (11:21:08 PM): was he coming off the DL or was he just sucking
phreddy (11:21:14 PM): no idea
phreddy (11:21:20 PM): he only gave up 2 runs
phreddy (11:21:29 PM): 1-4
phreddy (11:21:33 PM): he's 1-4 that is
phrank (11:21:43 PM): sounds bad enough for the phillies
phreddy (11:21:47 PM): taylay
phrank (11:21:53 PM): what is taylay doing these days
phreddy (11:21:59 PM): hitting .400
phreddy (11:22:05 PM): with 14 homers
phreddy (11:22:39 PM): he doesn't come up in the first lee search on espn
phreddy (11:22:43 PM): you need to put taylay
phreddy (11:22:48 PM): .276 0 10
phreddy (11:23:03 PM): solid on base guy
phreddy (11:23:20 PM): the devil rays get all the failure
phreddy (11:23:38 PM): taylay, nomo, hollins?
phreddy (11:23:43 PM): haha
phreddy (11:23:45 PM): damon hollins
phreddy (11:23:53 PM): charles johnson
phrank (11:24:02 PM): ok I can barely keep my eyes open
phreddy (11:24:11 PM): ok peace out
phreddy (11:24:15 PM): enjoy your phailure

Orioles-Phillies Chatter

phrank: the blowpen can handle a 3-run lead with no problem
phreddy: omg teh burrell
phreddy: what does WP mean?
phrank: wild pitch?
phreddy: PITCHING
WP: S Ponson, C Lidle
Batters faced: C Lidle 15
Ground Balls-Fly Balls: C Lidle 5-7
phreddy: cool runners at the corners stranded
phreddy: is lidle still pitching?
phrank: which of us gets channel 57
phreddy: well you mentioned the blowpen
phreddy: i assumed chuck handed the ball over
phrank: oh
phrank: no, I just meant they will blow it
phreddy: oh i see
phrank: due to their lack of pitching skill
phreddy: i have faith that the philberts will emerge victorino
phreddy: david newhan!
phreddy: he had a pretty good year last year
phreddy: correnzo lidle
phreddy: burrell sucks
phrank: I noticed
phreddy: his fielding looks so effeminate
phreddy: david bell is up to a lusty .253
phreddy: rollins sucks
phreddy: lofton is ted williams
phrank: there are no good players on the phillies
phreddy: abr00 broke his hit streak, the fu><0r
phreddy: th0me is on his suck streak still
phreddy: burrell likes .300
phreddy: shits is hard
phreddy: burrell is tied for 2nd in RBI
phreddy: i totally didn't notice that tino martinez was kicking ass in the AL
phreddy: abreu leads the league in sabermetric RC
phreddy: and RC27
phrank: does he really?
phreddy: yes
phreddy: his SECA is low though
phrank: I sense a trade in the works
phreddy: but good enough for 2nd
phreddy: ISOP 6th
phrank: are you making shit up
phreddy: no
phreddy: wow
phreddy: he has taken the most number of pitches
phreddy: by 82
phrank: that has always been his strength
phreddy: 4.44 P/PA
phreddy: Bigbie goes down
phreddy: some sportswriter is waiting for him to go for a stint on the DL
phreddy: so he can pull that gem out
phrank: haha
phrank: a strikeout in a critical 9th inning moment would do it too
phreddy: yesh
phreddy: i gotta run
phreddy: time to p00p
phrank: enjoy

What's Wrong With This Headline

phreddy: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/preview?gameId=250514122
phreddy: what's wrong with that headline
phrank: lol it is teh turd
phrank: they failed to take into account the anomalous thursday game
phreddy: naturlich

Phillies 12, Reds 2

Sitting in a bus station last night, I had this telephone conversation with Phreddy.

Phrank: What happened in tonight's game?
Phreddy: The Philadelphia Philberts were victorious over the Cincinnati Communists by a score of 12 to 2. [box score]
Phrank: 12 to 2?! Are you serious?!
Phreddy: Yeah dude. Pratt went 4 for 4 with 5 RBI's.
Phrank: Oh, Pratt, that makes more sense. I knew they couldn't do that with the regulars.

6 Games Under, Historical Records, the 2003 Wildcard Race, Jacko

phrank (2:16:33 PM): so if the Phillies lose tonight
phreddy (2:16:39 PM): omg teh philberts!
phreddy (2:16:41 PM): 80 to go
phrank (2:16:43 PM): they will be 6 games under .500 for the first time since august 20, 2002
phreddy (2:17:05 PM): jesus phrank?
phreddy (2:17:13 PM): phrank (2:16:26 PM): so if the Phillies lose tonight
phreddy (2:17:16 PM): two problems there
phreddy (2:17:26 PM): a) if? b) phillies?
phrank (2:17:31 PM): what
phreddy (2:17:50 PM): that is the first time you have referred to them as the phillies since january 14, 1999
phrank (2:17:55 PM): not at all
phrank (2:18:13 PM): calling them the philberts has always been more important to you than to me
phreddy (2:18:17 PM): haha i know
phrank (2:18:23 PM): I support you in your cause
phreddy (2:18:26 PM): i actually use it in conversation
phrank (2:18:37 PM): I keep it strictly with you
phrank (2:18:54 PM): it's a gift that I give to you and you alone
phreddy (2:18:59 PM): i appreciate your support. if only dave chappelle had the same type of support


phrank (2:21:43 PM): so check out this chart
phreddy (2:21:46 PM): damn i need to shave my p00bs
phrank (2:21:55 PM): Phillies records

+16 2003-09-19
+15 2003-09-20
+14 2003-09-21
+13 2003-09-23
+12 2003-09-24
+11 2003-09-27
+10 2004-10-03
+9 2004-10-02
+8 2004-09-29
+7 2004-09-29
+6 2004-09-27
+5 2004-09-24
+4 2004-09-21
+3 2004-09-19
+2 2004-09-18
+1 2005-04-18
-- 2005-04-21
-1 2005-04-22
-2 2005-04-27
-3 2005-05-09
-4 2005-05-10
-5 2005-05-11
-6 2002-08-20
-7 2002-08-11
-8 2002-08-10
-9 2002-07-23
-10 2002-07-22
-11 2002-06-05
phreddy (2:22:16 PM): what?
phreddy (2:22:23 PM): these are games above and below .500?
phrank (2:22:25 PM): yeah
phreddy (2:22:46 PM): they were 16 over on 9-19-2003?
phrank (2:23:08 PM): yes, that was when they were challenging the magical marlons for the wildcard
phreddy (2:23:13 PM): damn
phreddy (2:23:20 PM): 8-20-02 if they lose tonight
phreddy (2:23:37 PM): man that guy must have a small penis
phrank (2:24:05 PM): what guy
phreddy (2:24:11 PM): some d00d
phrank (2:24:50 PM): so at the end of all games on september 19 2003
phrank (2:25:07 PM): the philberts were leading the wildcard race, half a game ahead of the marlons
phreddy (2:25:23 PM): had the phillies replaced the marlons in 2003, i doubt they would have had the same performance in the playoffs
phreddy (2:25:33 PM): but just making the playoffs would have deserved a parade
phreddy (2:26:26 PM): oimoi ton philmons
phrank (2:27:11 PM): dude if they got bartman's help they could have gone all the way
phreddy (2:27:21 PM): do the bartman!
phrank (2:27:44 PM): michael jackson's finest song
phrank (2:27:51 PM): no big surprise that it was about a 10 year old boy
phreddy (2:28:11 PM): he wrote that?
phrank (2:28:20 PM): he sang backup
phrank (2:28:31 PM): the xopos
phreddy (2:28:40 PM): d00d, we should build a penis shaped island
phrank (2:29:21 PM): I think the EU already did that
phrank (2:29:27 PM): well it's a penisula, not an island
phreddy (2:30:34 PM): what is rockall
phrank (2:30:43 PM): you are asking the wrong guy

Thome on Steroids?

phrank (11:19:29 PM): so was thome on steroids or what
phreddy (11:19:53 PM): haha
phrank (11:21:18 PM): seriously, he has gone the way of giambi the genie
phreddy (11:21:25 PM): indeed
phrank (11:21:34 PM): but his name never gets mentioned
phreddy (11:21:39 PM): he's still huge though
phrank (11:21:42 PM): maybe because he's a good guy
phreddy (11:21:45 PM): he's country strong
phreddy (11:21:55 PM): i forget what announcer called him that
phreddy (11:22:17 PM): hicks don't use steroids, only niggr0>< and metrose><uals

Brewers 5, Phillies 2

Brewers 5, Phillies 2

phreddy (2:54:56 PM): GONE
phreddy (2:55:04 PM): ABR00
phreddy (2:55:17 PM): homer in 4 consecutive g4m3s
phrank (2:55:25 PM): j00 sp0iled it
phreddy (2:55:32 PM): sorry
phreddy (2:55:38 PM): i could not contain my joyjuice
phrank (2:55:40 PM): it's okay, you alerted me to turn up the volume
phreddy (2:55:51 PM): so you can hear the call?
phrank (2:55:53 PM): goin back on it clark, at the wall, looks up, that ball is gone
phrank (2:56:10 PM): the competent play by play work of scott graham
phreddy (2:56:12 PM): ahhh the dulcet tones of Harold Kalaskowski
phrank (2:56:39 PM): now manuel can give the offense the "no more runs" signal
phrank (2:56:53 PM): who needs to score when you've got a lead?
phrank (2:57:56 PM): ok I am going to try to shit so I can be back in time for the 9th

phreddy (3:14:40 PM): j00 missed the phailure
phreddy (3:14:44 PM): 5-2 milwaukee
phreddy (3:15:00 PM): burrell E
phreddy (3:15:02 PM): 3 runs
phrank (3:15:09 PM): lol spivey
phreddy (3:15:21 PM): c0rrenz0 lidle
phrank (3:15:22 PM): lol burrell
phreddy (3:15:27 PM): lol omg
phrank (3:15:28 PM): I just heard it on the auj0
phreddy (3:15:45 PM): n1c3
phreddy (3:15:54 PM): 20th loss !
phrank (3:15:58 PM): PHAILURE
phreddy (3:16:02 PM): this is a momentous occaision
phreddy (3:16:08 PM): only 80 more after losing this one!

Do you come to Milwaukee often?

The Phillies are in Milwaukee, so it's time for my favorite Phillies announcer dialogue:

Larry Andersen: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Harry Kalas: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Chris Wheeler: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Harry Kalas: Yes, Wheels, it is. In fact, it was originally an Algonquin term meaning "the good land."
Larry Andersen: I was not aware of that.
Harry Kalas: I think one of the most interesting things about Milwaukee is that it's the only American city to elect three Socialist mayors.
Larry Andersen: Does this guy know how to party or what?

Standings as of May 10, 2005

phrank (4:03:17 PM): the phillies are only three games out of 4th
phreddy (4:03:24 PM): nice
phrank (4:03:34 PM): ain't no stoppin us now
phrank (4:04:50 PM): 8th in the wildcard race
phreddy (4:04:57 PM): good god
phrank (4:05:25 PM): they can move into a tie for 7th tonight
phreddy (4:05:32 PM): sw33t
phrank (4:05:47 PM): at that point, world series tickets will go on sale from the phillies web site
phreddy (4:05:53 PM): haha
phrank (4:06:57 PM): there are no less than 5, count em, 5 teams in the NL with worse records than the phillies

Defending Admiral Ackbar

phrank (11:35:00 AM): I am defending admiral ackbar's honor
phreddy (11:35:04 AM): how so
phrank (11:35:09 AM): my friend is insisting he bought his way up to the rank of admiral
phreddy (11:35:14 AM): HA!
phreddy (11:35:16 AM): laughable
phrank (11:35:18 AM): because the mon calamari provided the cruisers
phreddy (11:35:23 AM): how else would he know it's a trap
phrank (11:35:36 AM): http://www.starwars.com/databank/starship/moncalamaristarcruiser/
phrank (11:35:44 AM): but who else would know how to command one?
phreddy (11:35:57 AM): ok so what is teh situation
phrank (11:36:13 AM): the mon calamari provided the cruisers as bases for the rebellion after hoth
phrank (11:36:30 AM): admiral ackbar commanded Home One
phrank (11:36:37 AM): my friend says this is unmeritocratic
phreddy (11:37:09 AM): how the hell would he buy his way to general on a ship he was already on
phrank (11:37:18 AM): ADMIRAL!
phreddy (11:37:28 AM): sorry
phreddy (11:37:28 AM): haha
phreddy (11:37:53 AM): ack!
phrank (11:37:56 AM): my friend is arguing that he wouldn't have attained that rank in the Rebellion if his people hadn't provided the ships
phreddy (11:38:01 AM): http://www.starwars.com/databank/species/moncalamari/
phreddy (11:38:21 AM): so what was his rank before they provided the ships then
phrank (11:38:26 AM): no idea
phrank (11:38:40 AM): he might have been high in the mon calamari navy
phrank (11:38:49 AM): but the rebellion is bigger than that

Phillies 4, Brewers 2

Phillies 4, Brewers 2

phreddy (11:26:28 AM): lol wolf
phreddy (11:26:43 AM): chase 00tley h0m3red twice
phreddy (11:26:54 AM): lol power surge
phrank (11:26:57 AM): but placido polanco and david bell need to get more plate appearances than him
phreddy (11:27:09 AM): ?
phrank (11:27:15 AM): utley is the most wasted philbert talent since jeremy
phreddy (11:27:23 AM): i see
phreddy (11:27:30 AM): polanco is getting traded probably
phrank (11:27:35 AM): I want to go to a game with a "FREE CHASE UTLEY" sign
phreddy (11:27:42 AM): hah
phrank (11:27:52 AM): they should trade utley and thome
phrank (11:27:57 AM): and lieber and wagner
phreddy (11:28:08 AM): and tell them that their name is ACK
phrank (11:28:12 AM): to the yankees
phreddy (11:28:18 AM): lol yank33s
phrank (11:28:19 AM): for bernie williams
phreddy (11:28:26 AM): Bernard Williams
phrank (11:28:31 AM): Bernabe actually
phreddy (11:29:18 AM): d00d trade them to tamp0n b4y for taylay
phrank (11:29:38 AM): haha his triumphant return to illadelph