Phrank and Phreddy on the Phillies

2008-09-16T18:33:00.003-04:00

Tied with the aBreu Creu for the wildest card in the league!

Half a game behind the Queens of Queens for the division!

What's the Happs?

Let us go Philberts.

Let us go Americans.

Let us go Bearcubs.

2008-06-25T14:44:00.002-04:00

Oakland 5, Philadelphia 2

Tampa Bay 6, Florida 4

The Florida Marlons remain 1 game back of our Philberts. The Tampa Bay Swingers keep the dream alive.

2007-06-18T23:03:00.001-04:00

Phrank: I just realized what the Phillies are lacking.

Phreddy: What's that?

Phrank: Good baseball players.

2007-06-18T23:01:00.000-04:00

Indians 10, Phillies 1.

That is what is known as a Cleveland Steamer.

2006-10-28T20:12:00.000-04:00

In my city there is problem
And this problem is the Phils
They make city pay for ballpark
And they never win the game

Throw the Phils down the well
So my city can be free
You must stop them lose the game
Then we have a big party

(inspired by Borat)

2006-10-26T19:50:00.000-04:00

Lidle Enjoying 72 Virgins

2006-10-26T19:47:00.000-04:00

Ducks Fucked, Kangaroos Screwed; Orangutans Being Guarded to Prevent Possible Orgy at Zoo

(from Phreddy)

2006-10-21T14:27:00.000-04:00

Inquirer article headline: The Cubs' "College of Coaches" failed. So will the Phillies'.

For every noun X in the English language, the statement "The Phillies' X will fail" is true.

2006-10-21T14:26:00.000-04:00

From Phreddy:

Cory Lidle
1972-2006
"We have some planes."

2006-10-12T10:52:00.000-04:00

phrank: Bowa Praises Lidle's Aggressive Flight Style

phreddy: Phillies Suggest Burrell Learn to Fly

phrank: From now on, managers shouldn't tell players "Atta boy!"

phreddy: Phrank Has Very Clever 9/11 Reference - AP

phrank: He was traded midseason, so he missed the Yankee orientation where they explain that "Bronx Bombers" is just a metaphor.

phreddy: Corey was a freak in heat, a dog without warning; he had an appetite for sex because he was so horny.

2006-10-11T18:02:00.000-04:00

Phreddy and I have been saying for years that it was only a matter of time before the Philadelphia Phillies would mount a terrorist attack on US soil, and today, we have been proven all too right:

NEW YORK -- Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle was the pilot of a small plane that crashed into a high-rise apartment building in Manhattan on Wednesday, according to published reports.

Lidle, 34, was killed in the crash, the reports said. The New York Times reported that police said two bodies were found on the ground shortly after the crash, and that one of them was that of Lidle, who was a licensed pilot.

Four deaths were confirmed by the city medical examiner's office, CNN reported.

Phreddy points out that Arthur Rhodes said back in August that "The only thing Cory Lidle wants to do is fly around in his airplane and gamble."

I always expect Philberts pitchers to crash and burn, but this is ridiculous.

Experts believe Lidle saw a picket line in a Manhattan street and attempted to cross it.

2006-10-02T15:13:00.000-04:00

(15:06:11) phreddy: Iraq is just Detroit without a good baseball team

2006-10-02T14:56:00.000-04:00

(14:48:43) phreddy: her mom bought it from QVC
(14:49:00) phrank: lol qvc
(14:49:20) phrank: ONOES U ONLY HAVE 30 SECONDS 2 BUY THIS OR U R NEVAR GONNA GET IT

2006-09-30T17:16:00.000-04:00

Phillies Prolong Farcical Playoff Race with Afternoon Victory

2006-09-29T20:42:00.000-04:00

Phillies 10, Marlons 1 in the 4th!

I haven't seen this much wholesale slaughter in south Florida since ValuJet.

2006-09-29T20:12:00.000-04:00

Fuck all that bickerin' beef. It's the last weekend of the season! I haven't been updating, but it's hard to creep the Brooklyn streets.

The Philadelphia Philberts have three games with the Florida Marlon Andersons.

The LA Riots take on the San Francisco Sodomites.

I believe in the Philberts.

I believe they will phail.

2006-09-24T12:24:00.000-04:00

The Phillies are bringing sexy back.... but do their fans really know how to act?

Phrank and Phreddy investigate!

2006-09-07T14:37:00.000-04:00

"The Red Sox are like the Big Dig: Way over budget, poorly planned, corrupt to the core, and killing innocent citizens."

- HSF, from Baseball Think Factory

2006-09-03T10:24:00.000-04:00

One game over .500, our phabulous Philberts are 1 game behind the San Diego "Johnny" Podres in the wildcard standings.

The 2006 National League wildcard race is like a beauty pageant for ugly chicks.

2006-07-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

This interview with Scott Franzke is mostly boring stuff right out of the "I take it one day at a time" interview cliche book, except for this:

Pat's or Geno's?

Geno's is muy bueno. Or something like that ...

Oooh!

Expect some South Philly thug to slash Scotty's tires anytime soon. And Scott Graham's, since they're too dumb to know the difference.

2006-07-12T20:19:00.000-04:00

The Inquirer, today:

Asked whether the Phillies will make the playoffs, 11-year-old Lynelle Flowers, who posed with an oversized mock-up of the $10,000 check, said: "Yeah. They're nice."

Flowers was then beaten mercilessly by Brett Myers.

Continuing....

"I went to the the game where they played Boston, and they won."

Note that that statement requires no clarification, because although the Phailures played Boston six times this year, they only won once.

2006-07-12T20:15:00.000-04:00

The Phillies organization needs to count their blessings on this Brett Myers fiasco - it's got people paying attention to the Phillies. Normally Philly sports fans spend July counting the days until Eagles training camp.

2006-07-12T20:13:00.000-04:00

Bill Giles: a true blue Phillie:

Question: Are you aware ownership is taking a beating?

A: I know that. The best thing about the last two weeks was I was in Italy, so I didn't get into that [Myers] mess. I got the details [Sunday] when I talked to David... . When David told me what really happened, it's really kind of a disappointment for the publicity of it.

Q: What did you hear?

A: I don't know that I'm privileged to say. I'm not the spokesman for the Phillies. I do know what really happened was a lot less than what the public thinks happened and that's the sad part because some bystander saw something that really didn't happen. Brett was trying to help his wife.

Stop bashing Giles, everybody. Brett Myers WAS trying to help his wife. He was trying to help her shut the fuck up.

2006-06-15T01:48:00.000-04:00

Text messages from Phreddy tonight:

"Phillies Staff Stocked With Bellyitchers - AP"

"I am going to mute the TV and play Yakety Sax for the rest of the season."

Heathcliff Heathcliff

2006-05-31T13:52:00.000-04:00

Last night I downloaded Here and Now by Letters to Cleo. It sounds like me playing my guitar in my bedroom during highschool. I told Phreddy that if it were any more 1995, it would be Heathcliff Slocumb.

Phreddy just sent me a text message to say that he wants his porno name to be Heathcliff Slowcum.

2006-05-01T17:49:00.000-04:00

Well, another shitty April has come and gone for the Phabulous Philberts. But take heart! The Phillies are 10-14, which is exactly the record they had at the end of April 2005. Which at the time was good for last place, but now gets them a tie for second!

All of which is to say that the Phillies can aspire to this year what they did last year - end up 1 game behind the wildcard!

It's going to be a glorious season.

Phailure

2006-04-26T00:22:00.000-04:00

Phailure. Colorado 7, Philadelphia 6.

2005-08-25T16:12:00.000-04:00

There's nothing more exciting than a Phillies foul ball!

"Swing, and a drive DEEP to the first base side, that ball's outta here! Tremendous foul ball, Chase Utley!"

2005-08-24T15:32:00.000-04:00

phrank: Prospectus gives the Starsatnightarebigandbrightdeepintheheartoftexas a much higher wildcard probability than the philberts
phreddy: i see
phreddy: probably because they don't suck

2005-08-10T22:01:00.000-04:00

phrank: the philberts are failing it by not having a sunday game in the last three weeks of the season
phrank: fan appreciation night is a wednesday
phrank: that is the definition of phailure

2005-07-21T17:12:00.000-04:00

phreddy: let us go phailberts
phrank: wait until 2006!
phreddy: for?
phrank: the phabulous 2006 philberts!
phrank: surely they will be a contender
phreddy: haha
phreddy: lieber has his best start of the season and loses
phreddy: nigga stole my bike
phrank: Did you know? The Philadelphia Phillies, in their 123-year history, have never won a game.
phreddy: haha
phreddy: lieber is first in losses!
phreddy: 5th in wins
phrank: finally we have a league leader
phreddy: indeed
phrank: I haven't been paying attention in months
phreddy: really?
phrank: I last wrote game results on my Phillies wall calendar on june 12
phrank: 36-28

2005-06-23T15:58:00.000-04:00

If I understand this story correctly, it seems Randy Wolf is going to have surgery on his John Thomas. I don't see what that has to do with baseball, but we all hope he gets well soon.

2005-06-14T12:44:00.000-04:00

Damn.

I got really excited when I saw the headline Rays Call Up Gomes, Cash, Corcoran. Wayne Gomes was back!

But alas, it was some other Gomes.

2005-06-14T12:43:00.000-04:00

phreddy (1:07:08 PM): d00d 10 in a row for the natties?
phreddy (1:07:14 PM): what are they shitting
phrank (1:07:31 PM): it makes the philberts' 6 in a row look like the pathetic showing it is
phreddy (1:07:36 PM): yes
phreddy (1:07:51 PM): but they had two six in a row streaks on the home stand didn't they?
phrank (1:08:29 PM): yeah, they had a 12-1 run
phrank (1:08:46 PM): they've won 15 out of their last 17
phreddy (1:08:53 PM): without barry bonds steroid bloated penis, the san francisco homosexuals are failing it
phreddy (1:09:19 PM): they have won 36 out of their last 64
phrank (1:09:28 PM): they have not lost a series since may 11
phrank (1:09:32 PM): holy shit!
phreddy (1:09:35 PM): thome is hitting
phrank (1:09:39 PM): it's me and Phaith!
phreddy (1:09:42 PM): what
phrank (1:09:46 PM): we got together on may 12
phrank (1:09:56 PM): since then the philberts have been unstoppable
phreddy (1:10:00 PM): wow
phrank (1:10:07 PM): everything's coming up phrank
phreddy (1:10:10 PM): your unholy union has caused them to become the philberts they are on paper

2005-06-06T10:20:00.000-04:00

phrank (10:57:01 PM): 3RD PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
phreddy (10:57:10 PM): yes'm
phreddy (10:57:18 PM): omg teh philberts!
phrank (10:57:29 PM): 1 game out of first AND THE WILDCARD
phreddy (10:57:48 PM): nice
phreddy (10:58:05 PM): byrd is back to .318
phreddy (10:58:07 PM): well
phreddy (10:58:08 PM): down to
phrank (10:58:09 PM): victorino!
phrank (10:58:24 PM): a gay dame tomorrow against the snakes
phreddy (10:58:32 PM): indeed
phrank (10:58:32 PM): as the phightins try to make it a sweep
phrank (10:59:11 PM): then they host their archrivals, the texas warmongers
phreddy (10:59:27 PM): indeed
phrank (10:59:39 PM): in a series sure to be cared about by no one
phreddy (10:59:57 PM): haha
phrank (11:00:28 PM): I'm sure someone does
phreddy (11:00:34 PM): First time a Washington-based team was in first since 1933
phrank (11:01:23 PM): neither the bravos nor the nationalists play tomorrow
phrank (11:01:43 PM): so the best the philberts can do is move percentage points behind the bravos and 0.5 behind the nationalists
phrank (11:02:33 PM): if the BJ's beat the bearcubs, the philberts will be percentage points behind them for the wildcard lead
phreddy (11:03:09 PM): nice
phreddy (11:03:16 PM): i truly am excited for teh philberts
phreddy (11:03:26 PM): it truly is a great time to be alive
phreddy (11:03:37 PM): all of a sudden lieberthal and bell don't suck
phrank (11:04:06 PM): heh
phrank (11:04:54 PM): chris burke saw even more than this
phreddy (11:05:13 PM): that's leann?
phreddy (11:05:25 PM): busta would not be happy
phrank (11:05:43 PM): busta?
phreddy (11:06:03 PM): busta rimes
phrank (11:06:20 PM): hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes, big like leean rimes, because I'm all about value
phrank (11:06:34 PM): bert kaempfert's got the mad hits, you try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
phreddy (11:06:40 PM): indeed
phreddy (11:06:46 PM): who is bert kaempfert?
phrank (11:07:56 PM): I was quoting Barenaked Assclowns

.500, Chris Burke

2005-06-03T12:50:00.000-04:00

phreddy: omg phrank
phreddy: how about those philberts
phrank: these are the philberts I have come to know and love
phreddy: no they aren't
phrank: even stevens
phreddy: isn't this their first time at .500 since 1-1
phrank: never taking more than they give
phreddy: haha
phreddy: d00d
phrank: Baseball Prospectus gives them a 17.26% shot at the NL East crown
phrank: I like how J-Roll's offensive tear has raised his OBP to a glorious .320
phreddy: the astros called up chris burke
phreddy: ha
phrank: Chris Burke starred in 1992's Jonathan: The Boy Nobody Wanted
phrank: I'll give you three guesses as to which character he played
phreddy: i did not know that
phreddy: he was in mona lisa smile!
phreddy: Custodian
phrank: http://www.chrisburke.org/
phreddy: The Phillies are 18-9 when Rollins crosses the plate and 7-18 when he doesn't (in his starts).
phreddy: he's in jersey!
phreddy: he's on touched by an angel?
phreddy: he's one of america's favorite personalities?
phreddy: he was in 2 episodes of touched by an angel

phreddy: oh my god
phreddy: this is bad
phreddy: http://www.fortunecity.com/millenium/treearbor/207/wavs.html
phrank: you've got mail!
phreddy: haha
phreddy: welcome!
phrank: I've got mail! I've got mail! I've got mail! I've got mail! Yay!
phreddy: haha
phrank: that was the best Special Ed routine ever
phreddy: his goodbye isn't too good
phreddy: it's mostly white noise
phrank: I wonder if he posted those wav files before or after Crank Yankers aired that sketch

phreddy: chris with leeann rines!
phrank: he totally banged her
phreddy: his picture with leeann looks really funny
phreddy: his eyes are completely black
phreddy: beady
phreddy: and he's not really that strange looking
phrank: hot like leean rimes, because I'm all about value
phreddy: rines
phrank: I hate patti lupone so much
phreddy: http://www.arcms.org/Tory%20perorming%20with%20Chris%20Burke.jpg
phreddy: why
phrank: every time I go to new york I see a poster of her and I want to jump in front of a taxi
phreddy: haha
phrank: look at leeann in that picture
phrank: she is totally ready to give it up
phreddy: haha
phrank: and you know Burke is the master of sympathy sex
phrank: the father from Life Goes On was a bad guy on 24 this season
phreddy: i see
phreddy: you are going to hell
phrank: why?
phreddy: making fun of the mongoloid
phrank: I was making fun of rimes
phrank: saying he took advantage of her
phrank: that is not making fun of him

2005-05-31T16:46:00.000-04:00

phreddy (4:41:50 PM): uh oh
phreddy (4:41:56 PM): the raisin bran yearns to be free

2005-05-31T16:01:00.000-04:00

phreddy (3:19:11 AM): they need to throw some AAAs at him just to give him a warning
phreddy (3:19:14 AM): then come the Ds

2005-05-23T23:41:00.000-04:00

phreddy (11:12:57 PM): oh my god
phrank (11:13:13 PM): oh your god
phreddy (11:13:19 PM): teh philberts
phrank (11:13:20 PM): your vengeful judaic god
phreddy (11:13:29 PM): lol j00daic
phrank (11:13:35 PM): they have phailed again
phreddy (11:13:46 PM): of course
phreddy (11:13:50 PM): they fail once every 3 games
phrank (11:13:59 PM): um
phreddy (11:14:04 PM): recently
phreddy (11:14:03 PM): lieber needs to be traded
phrank (11:14:04 PM): it's a lot more than that
phrank (11:14:26 PM): their winning percentage is far below the number of the beast
phreddy (11:14:28 PM): someone finally beat rachel rich
phreddy (11:14:56 PM): lieber fails it
phreddy (11:15:01 PM): and thome failed pinch hitting
phreddy (11:15:11 PM): i witnessed the phailure first hand
phreddy (11:15:21 PM): i watched delgado's 3 run ding dong
phreddy (11:15:27 PM): to right
phreddy (11:15:34 PM): then cabrera's ding dong to left
phrank (11:15:37 PM): you were not in the city where the heat is on all night on the beach to the break of dawn
phreddy (11:15:48 PM): then with two on thome phailed looking
phreddy (11:16:30 PM): perez drops below .300
phrank (11:16:32 PM): lieber got lit up and smoked
phreddy (11:16:39 PM): indeed
phrank (11:16:50 PM): since when is it called Dolphins Stadium
phreddy (11:16:57 PM): terry adams needs to go, hey hey, ho ho
phreddy (11:17:07 PM): aaron fultz is tearing it up
phrank (11:17:13 PM): or as the Expos fans call it, la stade dauphine
phrank (11:17:34 PM): aaron phailtz
phreddy (11:17:46 PM): byrd is settling in to washington phailure
phreddy (11:17:59 PM): he is down to .344
phreddy (11:18:06 PM): wow milton got a win
phreddy (11:18:17 PM): nah
phreddy (11:18:21 PM): byrd is hitting .324
phreddy (11:18:30 PM): takes the collar tonight- 0 for 3
phreddy (11:18:42 PM): milton is below 7 now!
phreddy (11:18:47 PM): 6.32!
phrank (11:18:54 PM): ain't no stoppin him now
phreddy (11:18:58 PM): only gave up two homers tonight!
phrank (11:19:03 PM): he on the move
phreddy (11:19:31 PM): why would he go to another home run park
phreddy (11:19:46 PM): he got gaped last year
phrank (11:19:55 PM): gaped?
phreddy (11:19:57 PM): yes
phreddy (11:20:06 PM): as in the gape and the clutch
phrank (11:20:13 PM): http://goat.cx/
phreddy (11:20:25 PM): yes
phreddy (11:20:50 PM): why did millwood pitch only 3 innings against toronto may 14?
phrank (11:20:51 PM): the new image is truly shocking
phreddy (11:21:05 PM): HAHA
phrank (11:21:08 PM): was he coming off the DL or was he just sucking
phreddy (11:21:14 PM): no idea
phreddy (11:21:20 PM): he only gave up 2 runs
phreddy (11:21:29 PM): 1-4
phreddy (11:21:33 PM): he's 1-4 that is
phrank (11:21:43 PM): sounds bad enough for the phillies
phreddy (11:21:47 PM): taylay
phrank (11:21:53 PM): what is taylay doing these days
phreddy (11:21:59 PM): hitting .400
phreddy (11:22:05 PM): with 14 homers
phreddy (11:22:39 PM): he doesn't come up in the first lee search on espn
phreddy (11:22:43 PM): you need to put taylay
phreddy (11:22:48 PM): .276 0 10
phreddy (11:23:03 PM): solid on base guy
phreddy (11:23:20 PM): the devil rays get all the failure
phreddy (11:23:38 PM): taylay, nomo, hollins?
phreddy (11:23:43 PM): haha
phreddy (11:23:45 PM): damon hollins
phreddy (11:23:53 PM): charles johnson
phrank (11:24:02 PM): ok I can barely keep my eyes open
phreddy (11:24:11 PM): ok peace out
phreddy (11:24:15 PM): enjoy your phailure

Orioles-Phillies Chatter

2005-05-22T14:59:00.000-04:00

phrank: the blowpen can handle a 3-run lead with no problem
phreddy: omg teh burrell
phreddy: what does WP mean?
phrank: wild pitch?
phreddy: PITCHING
WP: S Ponson, C Lidle
Batters faced: C Lidle 15
Ground Balls-Fly Balls: C Lidle 5-7
phreddy: cool runners at the corners stranded
phreddy: is lidle still pitching?
phrank: which of us gets channel 57
phreddy: well you mentioned the blowpen
phreddy: i assumed chuck handed the ball over
phrank: oh
phrank: no, I just meant they will blow it
phreddy: oh i see
phrank: due to their lack of pitching skill
phreddy: i have faith that the philberts will emerge victorino
phreddy: david newhan!
phreddy: he had a pretty good year last year
phreddy: correnzo lidle
phreddy: burrell sucks
phrank: I noticed
phreddy: his fielding looks so effeminate
phreddy: david bell is up to a lusty .253
phreddy: rollins sucks
phreddy: lofton is ted williams
phrank: there are no good players on the phillies
phreddy: abr00 broke his hit streak, the fu><0r
phreddy: th0me is on his suck streak still
phreddy: burrell likes .300
phreddy: shits is hard
phreddy: burrell is tied for 2nd in RBI
phreddy: i totally didn't notice that tino martinez was kicking ass in the AL
phreddy: abreu leads the league in sabermetric RC
phreddy: and RC27
phrank: does he really?
phreddy: yes
phreddy: his SECA is low though
phrank: I sense a trade in the works
phreddy: but good enough for 2nd
phreddy: ISOP 6th
phrank: are you making shit up
phreddy: no
phreddy: wow
phreddy: he has taken the most number of pitches
phreddy: by 82
phrank: that has always been his strength
phreddy: 4.44 P/PA
phreddy: Bigbie goes down
phreddy: some sportswriter is waiting for him to go for a stint on the DL
phreddy: so he can pull that gem out
phrank: haha
phrank: a strikeout in a critical 9th inning moment would do it too
phreddy: yesh
phreddy: i gotta run
phreddy: time to p00p
phrank: enjoy

What's Wrong With This Headline

2005-05-14T12:27:00.000-04:00

phreddy: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/preview?gameId=250514122
phreddy: what's wrong with that headline
phrank: lol it is teh turd
phrank: they failed to take into account the anomalous thursday game
phreddy: naturlich

Phillies 12, Reds 2

2005-05-14T12:18:00.000-04:00

Sitting in a bus station last night, I had this telephone conversation with Phreddy.

Phrank: What happened in tonight's game?
Phreddy: The Philadelphia Philberts were victorious over the Cincinnati Communists by a score of 12 to 2. [box score]
Phrank: 12 to 2?! Are you serious?!
Phreddy: Yeah dude. Pratt went 4 for 4 with 5 RBI's.
Phrank: Oh, Pratt, that makes more sense. I knew they couldn't do that with the regulars.

6 Games Under, Historical Records, the 2003 Wildcard Race, Jacko

2005-05-12T14:45:00.000-04:00

phrank (2:16:33 PM): so if the Phillies lose tonight
phreddy (2:16:39 PM): omg teh philberts!
phreddy (2:16:41 PM): 80 to go
phrank (2:16:43 PM): they will be 6 games under .500 for the first time since august 20, 2002
phreddy (2:17:05 PM): jesus phrank?
phreddy (2:17:13 PM): phrank (2:16:26 PM): so if the Phillies lose tonight
phreddy (2:17:16 PM): two problems there
phreddy (2:17:26 PM): a) if? b) phillies?
phrank (2:17:31 PM): what
phreddy (2:17:50 PM): that is the first time you have referred to them as the phillies since january 14, 1999
phrank (2:17:55 PM): not at all
phrank (2:18:13 PM): calling them the philberts has always been more important to you than to me
phreddy (2:18:17 PM): haha i know
phrank (2:18:23 PM): I support you in your cause
phreddy (2:18:26 PM): i actually use it in conversation
phrank (2:18:37 PM): I keep it strictly with you
phrank (2:18:54 PM): it's a gift that I give to you and you alone
phreddy (2:18:59 PM): i appreciate your support. if only dave chappelle had the same type of support

phrank (2:21:43 PM): so check out this chart
phreddy (2:21:46 PM): damn i need to shave my p00bs
phrank (2:21:55 PM): Phillies records

+16 2003-09-19
+15 2003-09-20
+14 2003-09-21
+13 2003-09-23
+12 2003-09-24
+11 2003-09-27
+10 2004-10-03
+9 2004-10-02
+8 2004-09-29
+7 2004-09-29
+6 2004-09-27
+5 2004-09-24
+4 2004-09-21
+3 2004-09-19
+2 2004-09-18
+1 2005-04-18
-- 2005-04-21
-1 2005-04-22
-2 2005-04-27
-3 2005-05-09
-4 2005-05-10
-5 2005-05-11
-6 2002-08-20
-7 2002-08-11
-8 2002-08-10
-9 2002-07-23
-10 2002-07-22
-11 2002-06-05
phreddy (2:22:16 PM): what?
phreddy (2:22:23 PM): these are games above and below .500?
phrank (2:22:25 PM): yeah
phreddy (2:22:46 PM): they were 16 over on 9-19-2003?
phrank (2:23:08 PM): yes, that was when they were challenging the magical marlons for the wildcard
phreddy (2:23:13 PM): damn
phreddy (2:23:20 PM): 8-20-02 if they lose tonight
phreddy (2:23:37 PM): man that guy must have a small penis
phrank (2:24:05 PM): what guy
phreddy (2:24:11 PM): some d00d
phrank (2:24:50 PM): so at the end of all games on september 19 2003
phrank (2:25:07 PM): the philberts were leading the wildcard race, half a game ahead of the marlons
phreddy (2:25:23 PM): had the phillies replaced the marlons in 2003, i doubt they would have had the same performance in the playoffs
phreddy (2:25:33 PM): but just making the playoffs would have deserved a parade
phreddy (2:26:26 PM): oimoi ton philmons
phrank (2:27:11 PM): dude if they got bartman's help they could have gone all the way
phreddy (2:27:21 PM): do the bartman!
phrank (2:27:44 PM): michael jackson's finest song
phrank (2:27:51 PM): no big surprise that it was about a 10 year old boy
phreddy (2:28:11 PM): he wrote that?
phrank (2:28:20 PM): he sang backup
phrank (2:28:31 PM): the xopos
phreddy (2:28:40 PM): d00d, we should build a penis shaped island
phrank (2:29:21 PM): I think the EU already did that
phrank (2:29:27 PM): well it's a penisula, not an island
phreddy (2:30:34 PM): what is rockall
phrank (2:30:43 PM): you are asking the wrong guy

Thome on Steroids?

2005-05-12T00:17:00.000-04:00

phrank (11:19:29 PM): so was thome on steroids or what
phreddy (11:19:53 PM): haha
phrank (11:21:18 PM): seriously, he has gone the way of giambi the genie
phreddy (11:21:25 PM): indeed
phrank (11:21:34 PM): but his name never gets mentioned
phreddy (11:21:39 PM): he's still huge though
phrank (11:21:42 PM): maybe because he's a good guy
phreddy (11:21:45 PM): he's country strong
phreddy (11:21:55 PM): i forget what announcer called him that
phreddy (11:22:17 PM): hicks don't use steroids, only niggr0>< and metrose><uals

Brewers 5, Phillies 2

2005-05-11T17:31:00.000-04:00

Brewers 5, Phillies 2

phreddy (2:54:56 PM): GONE
phreddy (2:55:04 PM): ABR00
phreddy (2:55:17 PM): homer in 4 consecutive g4m3s
phrank (2:55:25 PM): j00 sp0iled it
phreddy (2:55:32 PM): sorry
phreddy (2:55:38 PM): i could not contain my joyjuice
phrank (2:55:40 PM): it's okay, you alerted me to turn up the volume
phreddy (2:55:51 PM): so you can hear the call?
phrank (2:55:53 PM): goin back on it clark, at the wall, looks up, that ball is gone
phrank (2:56:10 PM): the competent play by play work of scott graham
phreddy (2:56:12 PM): ahhh the dulcet tones of Harold Kalaskowski
phrank (2:56:39 PM): now manuel can give the offense the "no more runs" signal
phrank (2:56:53 PM): who needs to score when you've got a lead?
phrank (2:57:56 PM): ok I am going to try to shit so I can be back in time for the 9th

phreddy (3:14:40 PM): j00 missed the phailure
phreddy (3:14:44 PM): 5-2 milwaukee
phreddy (3:15:00 PM): burrell E
phreddy (3:15:02 PM): 3 runs
phrank (3:15:09 PM): lol spivey
phreddy (3:15:21 PM): c0rrenz0 lidle
phrank (3:15:22 PM): lol burrell
phreddy (3:15:27 PM): lol omg
phrank (3:15:28 PM): I just heard it on the auj0
phreddy (3:15:45 PM): n1c3
phreddy (3:15:54 PM): 20th loss !
phrank (3:15:58 PM): PHAILURE
phreddy (3:16:02 PM): this is a momentous occaision
phreddy (3:16:08 PM): only 80 more after losing this one!

Do you come to Milwaukee often?

2005-05-11T17:27:00.000-04:00

The Phillies are in Milwaukee, so it's time for my favorite Phillies announcer dialogue:

Larry Andersen: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Harry Kalas: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Chris Wheeler: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Harry Kalas: Yes, Wheels, it is. In fact, it was originally an Algonquin term meaning "the good land."
Larry Andersen: I was not aware of that.
Harry Kalas: I think one of the most interesting things about Milwaukee is that it's the only American city to elect three Socialist mayors.
Larry Andersen: Does this guy know how to party or what?

Standings as of May 10, 2005

2005-05-11T17:26:00.000-04:00

phrank (4:03:17 PM): the phillies are only three games out of 4th
phreddy (4:03:24 PM): nice
phrank (4:03:34 PM): ain't no stoppin us now
phrank (4:04:50 PM): 8th in the wildcard race
phreddy (4:04:57 PM): good god
phrank (4:05:25 PM): they can move into a tie for 7th tonight
phreddy (4:05:32 PM): sw33t
phrank (4:05:47 PM): at that point, world series tickets will go on sale from the phillies web site
phreddy (4:05:53 PM): haha
phrank (4:06:57 PM): there are no less than 5, count em, 5 teams in the NL with worse records than the phillies

Defending Admiral Ackbar

2005-05-11T17:25:00.000-04:00

phrank (11:35:00 AM): I am defending admiral ackbar's honor
phreddy (11:35:04 AM): how so
phrank (11:35:09 AM): my friend is insisting he bought his way up to the rank of admiral
phreddy (11:35:14 AM): HA!
phreddy (11:35:16 AM): laughable
phrank (11:35:18 AM): because the mon calamari provided the cruisers
phreddy (11:35:23 AM): how else would he know it's a trap
phrank (11:35:36 AM): http://www.starwars.com/databank/starship/moncalamaristarcruiser/
phrank (11:35:44 AM): but who else would know how to command one?
phreddy (11:35:57 AM): ok so what is teh situation
phrank (11:36:13 AM): the mon calamari provided the cruisers as bases for the rebellion after hoth
phrank (11:36:30 AM): admiral ackbar commanded Home One
phrank (11:36:37 AM): my friend says this is unmeritocratic
phreddy (11:37:09 AM): how the hell would he buy his way to general on a ship he was already on
phrank (11:37:18 AM): ADMIRAL!
phreddy (11:37:28 AM): sorry
phreddy (11:37:28 AM): haha
phreddy (11:37:53 AM): ack!
phrank (11:37:56 AM): my friend is arguing that he wouldn't have attained that rank in the Rebellion if his people hadn't provided the ships
phreddy (11:38:01 AM): http://www.starwars.com/databank/species/moncalamari/
phreddy (11:38:21 AM): so what was his rank before they provided the ships then
phrank (11:38:26 AM): no idea
phrank (11:38:40 AM): he might have been high in the mon calamari navy
phrank (11:38:49 AM): but the rebellion is bigger than that

Phillies 4, Brewers 2

2005-05-11T17:16:00.000-04:00

Phillies 4, Brewers 2

phreddy (11:26:28 AM): lol wolf
phreddy (11:26:43 AM): chase 00tley h0m3red twice
phreddy (11:26:54 AM): lol power surge
phrank (11:26:57 AM): but placido polanco and david bell need to get more plate appearances than him
phreddy (11:27:09 AM): ?
phrank (11:27:15 AM): utley is the most wasted philbert talent since jeremy
phreddy (11:27:23 AM): i see
phreddy (11:27:30 AM): polanco is getting traded probably
phrank (11:27:35 AM): I want to go to a game with a "FREE CHASE UTLEY" sign
phreddy (11:27:42 AM): hah
phrank (11:27:52 AM): they should trade utley and thome
phrank (11:27:57 AM): and lieber and wagner
phreddy (11:28:08 AM): and tell them that their name is ACK
phrank (11:28:12 AM): to the yankees
phreddy (11:28:18 AM): lol yank33s
phrank (11:28:19 AM): for bernie williams
phreddy (11:28:26 AM): Bernard Williams
phrank (11:28:31 AM): Bernabe actually
phreddy (11:29:18 AM): d00d trade them to tamp0n b4y for taylay
phrank (11:29:38 AM): haha his triumphant return to illadelph